Where to start with self-care

The majority of clients I see identify as female and very much demonstrate some of the stereotypical struggles women face. Lots of my clients are

…physically and mentally exhausted

…responsible for the majority of household and family needs, even if working outside the home as well

…dissatisfied with and critical of their physical appearance and abilities

…emotionally numb

…harboring resentments toward their partner or spouse

…unclear on how to communicate their wants, needs, limits, etc.

…struggling to manage too many expectations in too many walks of life

…unaware of how to improve their overall wellbeing

I mean, it’s a lot. And, unfortunately, each of these are very commonly experienced among women today. If you can relate to any of these struggles, keep reading. If you also feel overwhelmed and have the thought, “something’s gotta give” but have no idea where to start, keep reading.

First, let me validate—THIS SHIT IS HARD. There are so many reasons women tend to carry these types of burdens, but that’s a conversation for another day. For now, do your best to hear me and believe me when I tell you: YOU REALLY ARE WORTHY OF GENUINE LOVE AND SUPPORT. IN THIS VERY MOMENT. EXACTLY THE WAY YOU ARE. PERIOD. I have no desire to add to your list of to-dos or introduce another task you convince yourself you “should” be doing and doing perfectly. That’s not helpful. What I do want to offer is simply an option for a starting point. If you relate to the struggles above… If you want to believe the idea that you are more than enough regardless of any other factor… If you suspect you may be emotionally detached and not experiencing life in the present… If you don’t know how to answer when someone asks, “what do you need?”

Start small.

And, girl, I mean smalllll.

I encourage you to literally set a reminder or alarm or whatever makes sense with the prompt, “How can I take care of myself in this moment?” It often feels most comfortable assessing physical needs when starting out just because they’re a bit easier to recognize. At first you might be at a loss with no ideas or obvious issues that need correcting. Take a deep breath, literally, and consider these three questions. (If a deep breath isn’t enough to help you connect to your physical experience, try these super easy mindfulness strategies.)

Am I thirsty?

Have I eaten?

Could I use a bathroom break?

I know these are very simple and may seem silly. Consider for a moment, if you will, how many times have you put off one of these very basic needs in order to continue a task or meet the needs of someone else? You deserve this moment to make sure your basic needs are met, and you deserve the time it takes to actually follow through in taking care of it. As you get better at recognizing these simple measures of physical wellbeing, you will be able to expand your personal check-in.

Could I use some chapstick?

Am I locking my jaw again?

Am I too hot or too cold?

Eventually you will learn some simple, concrete strategies you can use to care for your physical self. You will begin to recognize patterns in your behavior and fluctuations in your needs. With consistent practice and intentionality, you will begin to notice more complex things like how your physical experience connects to mental and emotional wellbeing.

I have a lot of tension in my forehead. What’s that about?

I keep skipping lunch. How can I make that more of a priority?

I seem to get an upset stomach every time I work with so-and-so. I wonder why that is?

It’s not likely you will suddenly acquire the ability to deeply reflect on your physical, emotional, and mental states and understand how they intersect. That takes deliberate effort and time. You can absolutely get there, and you will if you so choose. But right now, for starters… start small.