How to enjoy the holidays post religion
December tends to be an overstimulating time of year for many of us. The parties and sales and traditions and meals and lights and music and cold temperatures and neighbor gifts and that Mother Fudging Elf on the Shelf… you get it. Not to mention the familial and social pressure to do certain things a specific way—it’s a lot! For those recently stepping away from Christianity, there can be an extra sense of dread, confusion, and resentment. If you find yourself in this new, unfamiliar, and super uncomfy position this year, I see you. Let’s talk about a few things that can, hopefully, help you get through the holidays. You may even be able to enjoy them.
Shift your focus
As oversimplified as this may be, I encourage you to shift your focus. There are so many fun ways to enjoy December that don’t have to correlate with Christianity in the slightest. Snow, sledding, cookies, hot chocolate, service, decorations, surprises, and togetherness are not inherently tied to religion at all. If you love Christmas lights, let yourself enjoy them! If you love to go caroling, choose songs that inspire joy for you as the performer! You do not have to force yourself into isolation just because upcoming events are considered Christmasy. Before you choose to opt out of all things Christmas, see if you can make some adjustments that will allow you to feel safe in participating.
Operate within your values
You don’t have to veto all of your Christmas traditions in order to properly honor your new and evolving religious beliefs. For instance, just because gift giving tends to be associated with Christmastime doesn’t mean it has to be rejected. If you love the idea of giving gifts and doing service for your loved ones, then keep that tradition. Be intentional with your purchases and gestures and enjoy the experience. That said, if you feel yucky about spending extra money and doing service during this season feels performative, give yourself permission to opt out. Same with spending time with family. If you feel you can engage calmly in a way that feels genuine, give it a fair shot. If you feel immense anxiety being around your family, consider ways you might reduce that strain. Whether you go and practice holding new boundaries or decide it would be best not to attend is your call. Either way, you can feel fulfilled if you are honoring your own values.
Create your own traditions
There is certainly an element of nostalgia that accompanies traditions of Christmas. It’s normal to have a lot of feelings come up when you consider throwing some of those out. Here again, see if you can find a way to keep the elements you love and adapt the parts you can’t accept. Let’s say you grew up reading the story of Jesus’ birth with your parents and siblings every Christmas Eve but now that story causes you distress. Take a second to consider how you might continue the tradition of family togetherness. Maybe you read a different story on Christmas Eve that doesn’t emphasize any religious figure. Maybe your kids choose a different Christmas story every Sunday night in December. Maybe you take turns making up a totally new winter-themed story every single night at bedtime. There are so many great options that don’t have to involve you sacrificing every single tradition you’ve ever held. Allow yourself the space to get creative and experiment with what traditions are the most meaningful for you and your family.
Here are some suggestions that might help you get your wheels turning.
Decorate with items you find beautiful, calming, adorable, and the like
Write notes of gratitude to the people you live or work with
Prepare and enjoy foods you love
Learn about and implement holiday traditions from various cultures
Create a playlist of songs that inspire gratitude, connectedness, joy
Do small acts of service for your loved ones or acquaintances
Reflect on changes and progress made over the last year
Spend time with safe others
Communicate necessary boundaries around topics of conversation, lessons, songs, prayers, etc.
Wear things that make you feel cozy or beautiful
Countdown to December 31 instead of Christmas Day
Journal about your thoughts and the emotions you experience in this new post-religion space
Participate in activities that celebrate winter time like sledding or ice skating
Donate your time and resources to a cause that inspires you
Continue or create traditions that promote unity, love, fun, and hope
One more time, let me say: the struggle of existing authentically during the holiday season as a post-religious person is very, very real. Let me also reiterate: your values, creativity, and views can absolutely serve you well in establishing the sort of holiday celebration you can be proud to engage in. It is entirely possible to enjoy this time of year even if you no longer hold any religious beliefs at all.
